


New Roses Have Thorns

by Aurone



Series: Roses [3]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fights, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Memory Loss, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, YOI Soulmate Week, YOI Soulmate Week 2020
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:29:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25994491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurone/pseuds/Aurone
Summary: Michele and Emil are soulmates.  They were perfectly happy until Emil hit his head during a skating accident and lost all memory of his soulmate and their relationship.  Michele and Emil are still trying to deal with Emil's memory loss.  They are not really together but they cannot get away from each other because of their soulmate bond.  Will they be able to get past this tragedy?This is a continuation ofForgotten Roses
Relationships: Michele Crispino/Emil Nekola
Series: Roses [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1372636
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15
Collections: Yuri!!! On Ice Soulmates Week 2020





	1. What About Us?

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. I don't know how this happened. It started out as a birthday fic for Emil that I didn't get finished in time for his birthday this year. Then somehow it turned into this angst fest. Forgive me. I guess this year is finally getting to me. 
> 
> This fic is a continuation of Purple Roses and Forgotten Roses. It will make more sense if you read those two first. 
> 
> Written for the YOI Soulmate Week 2020 Day 3: Touch

Michele and Emil were watching TV like they did most evenings after dinner. Michele looked at the space between him and Emil on the couch. 

_ He purposely sat on the other side of the couch. He’s been more distant these last two months. I wonder if he had changed his mind about us. He was so optimistic when we started.  _

Michele sighed and got up off the couch. Emil looked up at him with a questioning look when he stood up. 

Michele said, “I’m going to go call Sara.”

Emil nodded and turned back to watching the TV. 

Michele picked up his phone and took it into their bedroom. He dialed his sister’s number. 

Sara answered, “Hello?”

Michele replied, “Sara?”

“Hi, Mickey. How have you been?”

_ She means how is it going with Emil. It’s hard, so hard. He’s remembered a few things, but he still missing so many memories. And we don’t seem to be going anywhere. I actually think we have slid backward these last two months. I wonder what I am doing wrong? _

“I am doing alright. It’s still a little tough some days. I don’t. . . Sara, how can I. . . I’m sorry. I don’t mean to burden you with this.”

“Mickey. . . You know I am always here for you. I’m just sorry I can’t help you more. I know it’s tough.”

“Well, I did kind of call you for help with Emil.” 

“I’ll do what I can.”

“His birthday is coming up soon. It’s the first one since, you know, and I want to make it special. I have no idea what to do! Emil was usually the one that planned things like this.”

“Mickey, I am sure he would be happy with anything that you do. I am sure he wants to rebuild his life as much as you do.”

“Sometimes I wonder, Sara.”

“Oh, Mickey. This is hard for him, too.”

“I know, and I just want him to have a new good memory since most of his memories are still gone.”

“And I am sure you will make a good one. Maybe plan something with his family? It will take the pressure off you.”

“That’s a good idea. Will you come?”

“I’ll try.” 

Michele choked up. “Thank you. It’s so hard, Sara. I want things back the way they were. I want my husband back. I want our inside jokes. I want casual touches. I miss him. How can I miss him when he’s sitting in the next room?”

Michele could feel the tears running down his cheeks as he started to cry. 

_ I can’t let Emil see me like this. He’s already hurt and frustrated by this whole mess. I can’t push us further back.  _

“Mickey, you’ve done so well and been so patient. You’ve done everything you can. You sat down with him and looked at pictures with him. And took him to some of the places you two loved.”

“And none of it worked. It only frustrated him and made me sad. This is tearing us apart and neither one of us knows how to fix it.”

“It is just going to take time. You are not going to rebuild 4 years worth of a relationship overnight.”

“I know. I just. . . I’m trying. It’s been six months and I feel we are going nowhere. What if he doesn’t want me anymore.”

“Now, Mickey. You know that’s not true. He’s your soulmate!”

“I know but. . .”

Emil’s voice interrupted them, coming through the bedroom door. “Are you alright, Michele? I can feel through the bond that you’re upset.”

Michele thought  _ Fuck. Sometimes I forget about the bond. He can feel everything I’m feeling through it. _

Michele said (to Emil), “I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Emil, seeming lost, said, “Okay.”

_ He doesn’t trust me enough to talk to me anymore. I lost more than my memories with that accident. I lost my friend and my husband.  _

Emil felt the tears form in his eyes. 

_ Why can’t things be the way they were? I am messing up both of our lives and it's not fair. It's not fair for Michele to be stuck with me through all of this.  _

Michele said (to Sara), “I’ve gotta go. I can feel that he is upset.”

Sara replied, “Okay. Call me if you need anything, brother. I know it’s hard, but hang in there.”

“Thanks, Sara. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Mickey.”

They hung up the phone. Michele stood up off the bed and slipped the phone in his pocket. He walked to the bedroom door and opened the door. Michele looked at his husband and noticed the tears in Emil’s eyes. 

Michele asked, “What’s wrong?”

Emil asked, “Why don’t you trust me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I know something is wrong, Michele. But you won’t tell me anything. It’s like you think I am made of glass. I am not going to break at the first sign of conflict. You have helped me so much. Let me help you, too.”

“Emil I. . .”

Michele let his eyes drop to the floor. 

“God, Michele. Why is it like this? I feel like you have pulled away from me. Do you not want me anymore?

“What!? No. It’s not like that. I love you, Emil. I always will. No matter what happens. But I am beginning to wonder if you really want  _ me _ . I feel like there is this chasm between us and I can’t reach you. Maybe what you felt for me before was just infatuation confused by the bond.”

“Why. . . why would you say something like that, Michele? We’re soulmates. We are made for each other. Of course, I love you.” 

“But even after six months, you are not comfortable with me. You’ve pulled away. Why?” 

“I. . .”

“Don’t lie, Emil. You’re not. You can barely stay in the same room as me. We haven’t made much headway the past few months. It’s like you are afraid to be close to me. We sleep in separate rooms for goodness’ sake. We’re not married. We’re fucking roommates.”

Michele found himself clenching his fists in anger. Emil looked down trying to escape the anger and sadness in Michele’s eyes. 

“Michele, that’s not. . . I didn’t. . . Please. I want. . .”

“Then why, Emil? I don’t know what you want from me. God knows I’ve been patient. I tried to rebuild this relationship in every way that I know-how. But you seem to thwart me at every turn. It’s killing me. This has been so hard for me in a way that I don’t want you to understand because I don’t want you to be in that kind of pain. Sometimes I wish we weren’t soulmates so that I could leave you alone like you seem to want.”

Emil looked up stricken. “You don’t mean that.”

Emil reached out for Michele. Michele took a step back. 

Michele felt tears run down his face. “Maybe I do. You obviously don’t want anything to do with me. I don’t know why I keep trying. This is not what I signed up for when I married you.”

_ I don’t mean it, Emil. I don’t. Why am I saying this? I would try forever for you. I love you. _

_ You’ve given me so much.  _

Emil asked, “Is that. . . what you really think, Michele? That I don’t want you? That you are sorry you married me?”

Michele shook his head. “No. . . I. . . Sorry.” He broke down sobbing. “I just miss you.”

It broke Emil’s heart to see what he had done to his soulmate. 

He turned from Michele and said softly, “Maybe you would be better off without me.”

Michele reached out a hand. “No. . . wait. . . Emil.”

Emil walked to what used to be their spare bedroom. They had been using it as an office before Emil’s injury. He had moved into the room when he had come home from the hospital. He just couldn’t sleep with a man he hardly knew, even if it was his soulmate. He softly closed the door and sat down on his bed. He could hear Michele sobbing through the door and he could feel the pain through the bond. What he couldn’t see was that Michele collapsed on the floor in misery. Emil put his head in his hands. He felt the tears drip into his hand. 

_ Why does it have to be this way? He’s tried so hard. Why can’t I. . . what’s wrong with me? I am hurting my soulmate because I can’t get over this feeling. The feeling that if I wasn't his soulmate and we weren’t bound together that he wouldn’t want me. Did I feel like that before? Did I have these doubts?  _

Emil lay down on his empty bed and finally gave in to exhaustion, letting it pull him into sleep. 

The next morning Emil got out of bed and grabbed some clothes. 

_ Shower. I need a shower. Maybe it will make me feel more human. Then I have to go to practice and Michele has to come with me.  _

Emil sighed.  _ I wish it didn’t have to be like this.  _

He stepped out into the hallway, intent on making his way to the hallway bathroom. He glanced over at Michele’s bedroom before making his way down the hall. What he saw shook him to his core. 

_ Is that. . . Michele? Did he stay there all night?  _

He walked over to the bedroom door. Michele lay on the floor in the doorway in the same spot he had been standing the night before. 

_ Oh, God. I did this. He must have collapsed and cried himself to sleep in the doorway. Was he waiting for me to come back? Why didn’t I? I don’t deserve him.  _

Emil ran a hand through his hair in agitation as he walked towards Michele.  _ I’m a terrible soulmate.  _

He picked Michele up off the floor and carried him to his bed. Michele woke for a second in Emil’s arms. 

Michele sighed. “I’ve missed this.”

Emil jolted at hearing Michele’s voice.

He looked down at Michele. “Missed what?”

“Being in your arms.”

He felt Michele’s hand run along his jaw, causing a shiver to run through his body. He felt nothing but truth and love echoing down the bond. He looked down at the man in his arms. 

_ I have been too busy caught up in what-ifs and whys. I’ve missed the connection we could have already had. I’ve been too busy trying to recapture a past I may never have and nearly lost the future that I can have.  _

He gave in to the urge to lean down and kiss Michele on the forehead as he gently laid Michele on the bed. 

Emil pushed a stray strand of hair behind Michele’s ear. “Sleep for a little while. I’ll wake you in a bit so we can go to practice.”

Michele softly agreed. “Okay.” And then slipped back into sleep. Emil slowly walked away from his soulmate and somehow it felt more final than walking into the next room. 


	2. Another Fall

Emil took his shower and got dressed in his practice clothes. 

As he walked back to Michele’s bedroom he thought  _ I hate that he has to come with me. I wish the rink were closer so he could stay at home. I am sure he has better things to do than go to the rink with me. But I have never once heard him complain.  _

He reached out and gently shook Michele’s shoulder to wake him up. 

Emil said, “Michele, it's time to get up. I have to go to practice soon.”

Michele groaned as he sat up. “What happened? I feel like I got hit by a truck.”

“I think you fell asleep on the floor.”

“On the floor? Why would. . . ?”

The memory of the night before crossed his mind. Pain flashed across his eyes and through the bond.

Emil said, “Michele, . . .”

Michele said, “It’s okay. We can talk about this later.”

“It’s not alright. And it can’t wait until later. How do you expect me to practice with this over my head?”

Michele drew a hand down his face. “Well at least let me get dressed first. Why don’t you make some coffee?”

“Alright.”

Michele escaped to the bathroom to get ready for the day while Emil went into the kitchen to make some coffee.

_ At least this is one thing that I know. How he takes his coffee. How can I know so little about my soulmate after living with them for six months?  _

Emil sighed.  _ I haven’t been trying, have I? I’ve just kept waiting to get my life back instead of rebuilding it. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and start to fix things. If not for myself then for Michele. I really haven’t been there for him and he is suffering too. I forget that sometimes.  _

When the coffee was finished, Emil got two mugs out of the kitchen cabinet. He poured them both coffee. He put milk and sugar in his and left Michele’s black. He took the coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. A few minutes later Michele came out of his bedroom. He took a seat opposite of Emil. Emil handed him the coffee. Michele looked down at his mug and then took a drink of his coffee. 

Michele said, “So, where do you want to start. We were pretty awful to each other last night.”

Emil, looking at his soulmate, replied, “Are you really sorry that we’re together? Sorry to be married to me?”

Michele looked up. “Of course not. I love you. I am just frustrated.”

Emil sighed. “With?”

“Everything. You, me, this situation. It’s a nightmare and I can’t see a way out.”

Emil looked down at this coffee. “Sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry. Help me fix this. Do you even want to be with  _ me _ ? I feel like we haven’t gotten any closer since you came home and I don’t understand why. When we started you seemed so willing to try, but lately, I feel like you have just given up. You still treat me like a roommate at best and a stranger at worst.”

“But we’ve gone out. . .”

“Yes, but our relationship hasn’t progressed any. You still won’t sit close to me or touch me. I can’t remember when you kissed me last. I am trying to be patient, but I don’t see us going anywhere. So what’s wrong? Do. . . you want out of this? I mean we can’t totally break away from each other but I could get my own apartment or something.”

Emil sat in silence for a moment as pain assaulted him through the bond. _God this is hurting him so much. How does he live with all of it? I don’t know if I could even function if this had happened in reverse. He is so strong. I know that I don’t want to break up, but_ _Michele is right. I haven’t let our relationship progress any. I keep waiting for him to do it and he is waiting for me to be comfortable. And we are going nowhere. How do we move forward from here?_

Emil started, “I don’t want out. Don’t give up on us, yet.”

“I would never.”

Emil looked up at Michele. He could see the determination in his eyes at the statement that he just made. 

_ He means it. How can he? After all, I have put him through.  _

Emil said, “But I don’t know how to fix where we are.”

Michele sighed. “Me either. I don’t think we are going to solve this right now. Maybe we need some more distance from last night.”

Emil nodded. “Yeah, it was. . .”

“A pretty bad argument.”

“Maybe we should start with apologies and go from there?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. I just. . . I hope you know that I mean it when I say that I love you.”

“I’m sorry too. I know you love me. I can feel it. That’s never been the problem.”

Michele felt confusion and regret through the bond.  _ Then what the Hell is the problem?  _

Michele sighed. “Well, we should probably get you to practice. We don’t want Jezek to be mad at us.”

“Okay.”

Michele got up from the table. He gulped down the rest of his coffee and put the mug in the sink. He filled it up with water. He went back to his room to grab his phone and his bag. He had started working for Emil’s coach. He was responsible for some of the younger skaters. It was better than just watching Emil practice.

_ At least I feel useful somewhere.  _

Michele sat down to put on his shoes. When he finished, he stood and picked up his bag. 

Looking at Emil, he asked, “Ready to go?”

“Yeah.”

Emil picked up his gear bag and both boys picked up their wallets and keys, which were right by the door. They walked in silence to the rink, both of them thinking over the night before and their conversation that morning. 

When they separated at the rink, Michele said, “Have a good practice. Be safe.”

“Thanks. I will.”

Michele split off and walked over to another area of the rink where his students were waiting. Emil watched him walk away.  _ What am I going to do if he decides to give up? Can I handle him walking away permanently?  _

Emil sat down on the bench and put on his skates. 

Jezek walked over to the bench. “You’re late today. Everything okay?”

Emil shook his head. “Not really.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“I know things have been tough for you and Michele since the accident. If you ever need to talk you know that I’ll listen.”

“I appreciate that, coach. I think right now I just have a lot to think about. I need to figure out how to go forward from here. Both with my skating and with Michele.”

“I see. Have a fight, did you? I wondered when Michele would break.”

“What do you mean?”

“He has handled this thing a whole lot better than most people that I know would have. He is a hardy soul, but everyone has their moments. He’s been so careful with you, but I am not sure anyone is taking care of him, especially with his sister being in Russia. And he’s been through so much before this.”

“What do you mean?”

“You mean you haven’t even asked him about his life? You should be re-learning about him.”

“Uh.”

“Emil. What have you been doing to connect with Michele?”

“Not as much as I should have obviously.”

“Hmm. It seems to me that you need to decide whether or not you want to rebuild this relationship or not. That’s the first step.”

“I know.”

“You’ll figure it out. I have faith in both of you.”

“Thanks, Coach.”

“Shall we get on with today’s practice?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s practice your jumps. You’ve been doing pretty well with them, but I have seen some hesitation with them since the accident. You need to get to where you are comfortable with them again. They are your strong suit, after all.”

Emil nodded. “Do you want me to run through my program or just practice the individual jumps?”

“Let’s just practice the jumps for now. I don’t want you to have to worry about the other aspects of the program right now.”

“Okay.”

Emil decided to practice them from the simplest to the most complex. 

_ If I nail the easy ones that will give me more confidence to attempt the harder jumps.  _

Emil worked through his jumps. He was doing well until he made it to the last jump. The jump that he had fallen on before. The jump that turned his world into a nightmare. His lift was good but something in his landing went awry. He came down hard on the ice. He felt his head hit the ice and then everything went dark. 

**Author's Note:**

> Come by and say hi or give me prompts for YOI or Voltron Fics. [tumblr ](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/auronevardell)


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